Regarding the language of business:

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the  EEC,
the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study
in  ways  of  improving efficiency in communications between
Government departments.

European officials  have  often  pointed  out  that  English
spelling  is  unnecessarily  difficult - for example, cough,
plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly  needed
is   a  phased  programme  of  changes  to  iron  out  these
anomalies. The programme would, of course,  be  administered
by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would  suggest
using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants
in  all  sities  would  resieve this news with joy. Then the
hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'  sinse  both  letters  are
pronounsed  alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in
the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made
with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the  sekond  year,
it  kould  be  announsed  that  the  troublesome  'ph' would
henseforth be written  'f'.   This  would  make  words  like
'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted  to  reash  the  stage  where  more  komplikated
shanges  are  possible.   Governments  would  enkourage  the
removal  of double letters which have always been a deterent
to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in  the
languag  is  disgrasful.  Therefor  we  kould  drop thes and
kontinu to read and writ as though nothing  had  hapend.  By
this  tim  it  would  be  four years sins the skem began and
peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by
'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould  be  taken  on  by
'v',  vitsh  is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze
unesesary 'o kould be  dropd  from  words  kontaining  'ou'.
Similar  arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations
of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli  hav  a
reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor
trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand
esh ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

Footnote:

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

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